Err....I m Indian (???)

Ever since I ve moved to the US both Americans and non Americans find it very difficult to place me. I mean I look as Indian as everyone I know except I guess when I had carrot red and blonde hair. Yes in India. Yes I thought it looked kewl.No my parents didnt throw me out.Because I had already moved out :D . But I digress. Most of my conversations with Americans go such

Random person: So ur a Latina
Me: No I m not hispanic
Random person: No, I didnt mean mexican. Latina meaning from the south Americas
Me: No, I m indian
Random Person: Ah, would nt have guessed you re a native
Me: Well what I mean is that I am from India
Random person: Wow. But you dont have the accent u know. The indian accent
Me(amused): So I have the accent of people from South Americas
Random person: No. Its jst different. Like nuthing I ve heard before
Me( shudder since I make a living off speaking and making people like me) : And thats bad?
Random person: Oh no its good...definately good
Me(to myself): Need to slow down on the tequilla shots and call a cab for him/her

As for the Indians here i.e. ppl from India its no simple

Random person(first time we meet): Ah so ur from the north
Me: No not really I m from err...the coast
Random person: Funny ur name sounds nothern and u so look from the north
Me: Well I ve lived in Mumbai all my life
Random person: So ur a Marathi
Me: No I m a Konkani
Random person: Ah, So ur from Goa
Me: Well sorta but Karnataka mite be more accurate
Random person: So where in Karnataka?
and so it goes on

what I fail to understand is how exactly is my nationality or language important for people to relate to me. And why oh why should I find 'tanned white?' or 'lighter skinned Afro American?' flattering?

For the Americans its curiosity I guess which is reserved for everything Non american. Like Tandoori chicken.And no one asks me these questions the first time I meet them or the second.Its generally when we make small talk over martinis.
But with the desis its a whole different ball game.

Disclaimer: This applies to Indians who have left the motherland about 8+ years ago.Again it applies to the mid west part of America where I ve mostly lived. The east and west coasts from what I hear have more Indians and consequently more complex regional divides. Desis who come in for a short stint tend to hang out with people from the same company and are excluded from the great insight I am about to provide.Also this mainly reflects attempts at couple socialising with Indians; u know when u as a couple want to meet other couples so that you can have common friends. Both mine and the Doc s friends are distributed in every state in the US except where we are right now.So we need some new Indian friends other than the American friends we have. So that we can discuss Bansalis new films.Such is life.Also it applies to what I ve been through in the couple of years here and ofcourse may not be the experience you ve had. In which case u ve been luckier

From what little I understand there are two kinds of desis here. The ones that studied here and the ones that migrated for work.

Now for people who migrated here for work depending on which city you originally hail from you tend to group together. Except if you are from the metros. Because then you need to choose. For example if you are a South Indian from Delhi you need to chose if you want to hang out with South Indians or the Delhites or both. Again within the South Indian clan its the Kanadigas, Tamilians and Gults as separates and god forbid you speak of them in the same breath. And the longer the people have lived here the more rigid they are in their disdain towards the other communities. The last city I lived in had separate North Indian and South Indian pujaris in the temple. And last I knew since the South Indian pujari was a Kanadiga, the Gults wanted to get another one. As such I ve only been there once on a day when no community had anything planned. Such days are hard to come by.And the Gurudwara is more welcoming.

If you ve studied here then the only difference is that you may make friends of different communities while in school or stay in touch with old class mates back home.So you may move across the various community groups.Again thats entirely at your discretion since you do have the regional committees like Marathi mandal etc to interact with.Also as years pass and people shift jobs and locations its again back to the community groups.

They tell me its beacuse when you move to a different country/city you first look for a support network which more likely than not will be known friends or family from India and their contacts. And again its about having common things(past?) to speak about. So people from Mumbai stick together and party together because they ofcourse are cooler than everyone around.The Delhites find that amusing:p

For the relatively new people i.e. less than 8 years its slightly different. Mainly because India has supposedly evolved now. With people living out of suitcases, travelling across cities for studies/jobs we ve learnt to adapt(?), understand and form a network of people independant of regional and religious differences. But again to a large extent this will be a group of people belonging to the same school/city in India.

So to sum it a vagrant me can not have a social life with Indians without pledging my solidarity to a particular city/language. Unless I have friends from back home/school here. Which I do but not where I now live.Or if I play cricket which ofcourse is the great equilizer. Because I m not marathi enough, south indian or north indian enough. Because I dont want to discuss my personal life, my salary, my rent, my wardrobe and my visa status with all and sundry.Funny I never did think of all places the US would be where I get my lesson in regional discrimination. Because I never did see it back in India. Or maybe I was just blind. Or stupid. Or both.And yes it sucks to be a social pariah among Indians because you dont really want to sit and crack jokes about other communities over samosas

Friends and family who ve lived here for many many years tell me I need to give in. Identify an Indian community I feel most kin to. So now we hang out with the singles.You know the kind that only worries about their next dinner and drink. Now that is something I can identify with:D